Wednesday, July 6, 2016

IWSG: Red Flags

Today is IWSG day, a monthly event Alex Cavanaugh started to get writers sharing about their insecurities and other stuff going on in their lives. After this year’s Blogging from A to Z Challenge, I’ve been meaning to remain more active with my blog through the summer. But I’ve been so busy with other responsibilities that I haven’t been able to do much blogging stuff. But hey, it’s IWSG day, and I’m here!

Lately, I’ve been thinking about my earlier years. I remember the lessons I learned the hard way about people and the fragility of any bond when one party doesn’t value the investment the other has made for the relationship. Those times left enough of an emotional imprint on me that even as an adult, I don’t have to look far if I ever need to locate angst, perhaps for a scene in my novel in progress or for any of the story seeds growing in my head. The silver lining is now I know how to better spot certain red flags in people. (Maybe someone only reaches out when they want a favor, for example.) This is not to say that I’m an expert. Sometimes I’ve still been fooled.

Recently, I’ve detected red flags with some people. A part of me wishes that I could ignore those flags and carry on. After all, doesn’t it seem like everyone else carries on with them, even though most likely, they know what I know? But I’ve never been like everyone else, and therefore, I am going to politely and quietly walk away.

What do you consider red flags in people?

15 comments:

Yolanda Renée said...

If you're talking about folks online, it's hard to judge. In person, sometimes even harder because of what you want. Maybe it's not what they want. I find it hard to trust. I've been burned too many times, but I'm lousy at seeing through the hype. Good luck, it's not easy!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Only talking to you when they want something is a big red flag for me. I had to give up on some family members for that very reason. It's a hard lesson to learn.

The Silver Fox said...

Anyone online who asks me for money. :)

Madeline Mora-Summonte said...

I struggle with seeing the red flags then ignoring them, hoping against hope that maybe things, that maybe people, will be different this time. I'm usually wrong. To my detriment.

Elsie Amata said...

Some red flags are harder to spot than others because people can be so sneaky. One I watch out for are when people only speak about themselves. "I" statements and "me" statements that dominate conversations tend to be signs of people who aren't looking for true friendships.

Happy IWSG Day!

Elsie

Pat Hatt said...

Some people are very good at keeping those red flags hidden until they've got what they wanted out of you. I spot many now too. I'm less polite though, rolling my eyes and walking away from them.

emaginette said...

Even after all this time I get sucked in. I can't see it coming until its too late. Like you I use my mistakes to fill where the emotion fits. Not an easy life but it's mine. :-)

Anna from elements of emaginette

Liz A. said...

I think that many people don't see those red flags. Or they're so desperate to belong somewhere that they overlook them. I'm getting to the point where I won't deal with people that make me feel bad about myself. I mean, I know it's my choice how to feel, but if all I get is criticism from them (and not in the I-read-your-story-and-here's-how-to-improve-it kind), then it's time to cut them loose.

Lee Lowery said...

My red flag b.s. detector is always on high alert - I guess from early training. I listen to my instincts. It might be considered cynicism, but I learned long ago to ignore those instincts at my peril. Moving away politely is good, but sometimes you just have to cut them off. The older I get, the less I care about being polite.

Jenni Enzor said...

I kind of thought that as an adult I'd no longer have to deal with difficult people, but that's not true. A few red flags for me are people who are very needy and/or negative.
But you're right, all those things are good material for writing.

S.P. Bowers said...

I'm afraid I'm pretty oblivious. I know in the past I was someone who didn't value a relationship until the other person backed away. Not because I didn't like them or want to be their friend, just because I was oblivious and preoccupied and didn't realize how much they were putting into the relationship. I've tried to learn from that and I hope I pay enough attention now. I've always been a bit standofish so I don't have many close relationships anyway.

diedre Knight said...

When someone asks "How are you?" and doesn't have time (or care) for the answer. Easy to spot and despise and oh so fun to write about - they make the best villains!

Sharon K. Mayhew said...

I know what you mean... I've trusted people in both my writing life and my personal life far to easily. Sometimes there is a reason a person acts like an underdog...They may want your money, pitty, or time and energy. I hope I'm a little wiser and not as easily taken I was a few years ago by both an agent, a sibling and a parent. Yep, I can find angst easily. :(

Shannon Lawrence said...

I think this is a place everyone needs to arrive at, but on their own time. It's good to be able to spot those red flags and walk away. A lot of us cling to those in our lives, even when they've proven time and again that they don't value us in return.

Jeffrey Scott said...

Like you say, a big red flag is when you only hear from these people when they need something. A red flag can be something as simple as a person who graciously accepts every invite you give them to go out and do something, but you never receive an invite when they plan something. I have a few more friends like that. I hate when that happens.
Glad you were able to blog for the IWSG. Sorry it took me so long to make it over here. Enjoy your summer!

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